Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 7

[SH_]

It breaks my heart to read this and see that the path you follow continues to create such pain my dear Sara.

I have tried to keep my thought zipped up here because I see that you have your focus on the approach you want to take and will not be deterred...

But I can't help but notice how the approach appears very contrary to DBing...

LRT

It is what MWD indicates as your best hope to save the marriage...
No guarantees.

LRT should be triggered in extreme situations...
WH says they want a divorce in no uncertain terms and appears to mean it...
He has said this over and over and over... Check
You and your WH are separated physically...
You were for quite some time...and while you are not now, his ongoing behavior and words would more than say that you are.... Check
You and WH live together but have very little to do with each other, little to no communication and little sexual contact...
Check
Your WH has filed for divorce...
Not as of yet, says it regularly...Check

MWD says she is not an expert on what works, but she is an expert on what does not work.
She says and I quote,

"If you keep pushing your spouse, you will push him or her right out of the door. You might as well file for divorce yourself because your actions are moving things in that direction. I know how bad you feel and I also know that it's human nature to try to hold on to important things in your life that seem to be evaporating into thin air. But I also know that it's human nature to want to escape when you feel coerced or pressured. So you have to stop pursuing your spouse immediately, even if you don't feel like it. It's the only chance you have of saving your marriage."

Sara, I am swinging a 2x4 here, because it is time...I challenge you to seek some advice here on the boards from some veterans of DBing...I don't want to diminish the support that you have been receiving, but it is not pushing you hard enough to do what is right for you IMHO. It is supportive to you, but, as in the case of helping others that may be on a path to destructive outcomes, we can enable, or share some tough love and guidance in a different direction...ultimately the choices are up to you, but I am concerned that there is very little DBing guidance being provided to you...or better said, the guidance being supported is with the DB principles for a MR before it hits the critical point that 90% are at when we come to the boards...I have shared several times, your best chance according to MWD and DB proncipes are LRT...

Your last update sounds very desperate...and as a man, who did not want a D and believes in marriage with all of my heart, I felt uncomfortable at what you did...I would feel trapped and manipulated in the manner you used the children and jokes to brush aside any feelings he has...I also have to tell you that it is not attractive or becoming of such a smart and strong woman...especially towards a man that many of us have little to no respect for what he has already done to you.
He should be begging you...PERIOD!

Your husband clearly has his issues...
I ask you, how can he work through them with you there focused on saving a marriage that he desperately wants out of based on his actions and words...
human nature tends to lead individuals to want to be right about what they think and feel...You understand this, correct? You stick to your beliefs and feeling very stoutly...
As MWD says, if another pushes them on this, the will put up more walls of defenses and make them run for the hills(okay, so I spiced up what she said a bit for dramatic effect)...in essence, you are not only handing him the bricks to build the wall, you are building it with him and gassing up his car so he can speed away.

I may catch flak for sharing my observations and thoughts here as I know it is very against the grain and flavor of all that share and support you.

I have seen it expressed in the forums many times that we need to recognize when the marriage is dead...stop trying to revive it, because the best you will get is a frankenstein monster, do you really want him to stick around out of guilt?
Grieve the dead marriage.
Then get to working on you and then you will create the best chance to invite a new and better marriage...and perhaps that MR can be with your WH.

Please stop clawing at the open emotional wounds WH inflicted on you...you know what I am saying here based on your profession...self care is a must before you can even think to provide first aid to others...stop trying to aid him, while you are bleeding emotionally all over the place.
Please.

I pray for you and your family...
I cry for you in my heart, because you have given everything and he continues to disrespect you...
I hesitate to ask you this...what would you counsel your daughter if you were seeing this happen to her?

Please value yourself enough to step back and follow the best advice that we all have learned of with MWD...
Love yourself as much as you desire your WH to love you...

My dear Sara...I wish I could help you see you as many of us do...you deserve much...you have the principles that can raise you to a place worthy of who you are at your core...
Only you can make the decision to do so...
Get out of the cheerless tunnel ASAP
I will continue to pray that it does not happen after irreparable emotional damage can take place.


(((((Sara)))))