Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 7

[PsySara]

So MC was a disaster. Wh initially started out saying he was feeling we were better at communicating and we were "okay." This was after him giving me the silent treatment for 3 days for something he could not remember in the first place. (he said he forgot why he was stone-walling me) I told her that I was confused because at best we were up and down, that just as recently as last week WH was pushing for divorce. WH said he felt this was an attack from me and the therapist (after she asked about his feelings) and it quickly spiraled into him saying he didn't want to be with me.

The MC said that we obviously had different goals (mine was to work on the marriage and perhaps salvage it and WH was...well he never really clarified what his goals were but he point blank said he didn't want to be with me.) At that point the MC asked if I wanted him to leave or stay in the MC room. I was like...WTF just happened here? She continually focused on how I should realize WH is not in this marriage and implied I should leave WH.

So there you have it, MC fail. WH went over his list of "reasons" why he does't want me.

1. We're not compatible
2. I am not "into" cars and bikes
3. I like to talk, he said he doesn't like to talk or listen
4. I lash out when angry
5. I didn't used to dress sexy at home (I've have been since DBing)
6. He likes outdoorsy things (I invited him camping recently which he flatly refused because he was worried about bugs and stuff, I am a HUGE camping fan but haven't been able to until recently and WH has shown no interest)

His list went on and on but he couldn't name one thing positive about me besides "she's pretty and nice to me." MC just looked at me with pity in her eyes and continued to focus on WH having "different goals" than mine. I said that I despised the idea of divorce and raising the kids as gypsies and that copious research shows the kids suffer no matter the parent's ability to compromise and co-parent. She started trying to tell me that there is a possibility the kids would be unscathed and I shut that down, pure stats disagree.

I walked out crying and WH was stone faced. He brought me back by work to pick up my car and we talked again some more. Overall he thinks I am feeling "guilty" about something and maybe that's why I am fighting so hard for our marriage. My face was like...WHAT??? HE said he felt I was using the kids as an excuse and that I really am doing this for my own selfish reasons. It got heated after that and he asked me to get out of the car. I decided I was done meekly "giving him space" so I calmly said, "Nope."

WH: "What do you mean nope? Is this some kind of psychological torture?"
Me: "Nope, I'm gonna just tie myself to your chest and be like 'Talktometalktometalktome.'
WH: starts laughing hysterically and immediately the atmosphere lightens
Me; "I guess I could be more humane and put a baby carrier on your chest and climb in there so we can be CLOOOOOOSE."

At this point things lightened up a lot and I told him I just didn't want to continue living in this bizarre silence where we are uncomfortable and angry all the time. WEe don't have to talk about us but at least don't shut down and not even discuss basic things. He agreed and said he would meet me at home and we could talk more if I wanted.

So when we met at home (WH had to pick up the cat from the vets) I just talked to him like a co-worker and hid my pain. Right now I am raw and so very sad. For some reason I had hoped the MC would result in WH feeling hopeful and optimistic about us; instead we had a Gottman certified therapist tell me that this marriage is basically doomed because WH's "goals" are different.