Maybe it has nothing to do with you. Have you considered that?
I'm absolutely certain it has nothing to do with me. It was more of a rhetorical question... I've read enough stories on here, and seen enough in my own experience to realize that it's their own hurt, anger, frustration, pick your emotion.
@ForGump - I would say she is relationally immature, and she admits it and has been to counseling for it. I have gone to some Al Anon groups to understand the ACOA mindset, and they are unbelievably adverse to conflict because of the chaos that type of life inflicts.
And, she has VERY little in common with XW except for both had a background of abuse - which I have discovered has been a draw to me from the last couple years of counseling. I'm definitely a fixer type - which is why I suggested time apart, and when she turned odd, I tried to very quickly decouple and stop chasing in this because I knew I would get sucked into trying to "fix it".
