I am afraid I am being a little selfish about plumber guy. Of course he will be fine. I think I am just scared to say how I really feel for some reason. He contacted me not at all yesterday and I bet he won't today. But I'll call him to let him know it's over instead of that ghosting thing. A secret little part of me really wanted this to work. But it's just not there for me.
I don't know how to fit it into my life. I made it work, sort of last year, singlehandedly, really, but in reality, that didn't work either.
You are right, I need to let things just unfold. I do yearn for something, but it is not the right time in my life. And of course, a part of me is afraid it will never be and this is my fate. And that being my fate scares me a bit.
I came on the verge of a breakdown last night. it was averted but I was smacked out of nowhere. I have been on autopilot. I do what I do without having time to ask myself where I am getting the energy or pitying myself for doing it all alone...... but things are REALLY busy this week. Extra really busy. I have no clue how I am going to get it done. I ran in the house to cook dinner after work, while washing dishes, and helping D9 with her homework from the kitchen simultaneously and I just said "WTF?! Why am I the only one still doing everything!" I had a short pity party, went to the gym, and I felt better.
I can't wait to see you either and meet your sister! We need to plan it soon. Once things calm down, we can all enjoy a nice day back in the 'hood!
