Moving on to the next phase

[Pax_luv]

Hello,
It was time for a name change.... peace and love is what I need now and what I want to bring forth in the world

I ended up not blocking stbxh last night so I got another angry text this morning and it's been quiet ever since. While he's nasty with me, he has been sweet as pie to my L. Ugh. Really?

Like bttrffly is going through... I'm having a hard time not taking his words to heart. I'm trying to rationalize and convince myself that my feelings ARE valid and I'm NOT crazy. I keep going back to some of the things my IC said (she was also h's ic)- she told me- You're never going to be enough for him. And- he doesn't see you. He doesn't hear you.

So Ive been mulling over this internal craziness and it feels like I've been in a fog all day. I'm not emotional over it (not crying, etc)... Feels more like shock with a little bit of "buck up- it's go time."

30 day bootcamp challenge ended today. Boo. It was the greatest distraction. I wish I could afford this gym and keep going.... Sadly I'll have to find some alternative. I completed 34 of the 35 workouts and i am so bummed I couldn't squeeze that last one in. grrrr. Also, last night I benched 55lbs!!! Never done that before.

So, another day down. Must keep moving.