Pretty sure snooping would not help me detach but I don't know what to do...
There are pros & cons about it. If you know your emotions could not withstand the shock & heartbreak of reading messages between him and the OW.....I would not advise you to do it. Some people had rather know what they are up against.....and some had rather not read about the gory details. My question to you is what would you do if you discovered they were in a EA or PA? Would you give him the ultimatum to end it or you'll file for divorce? If so, and if you rather know than not know, that is your decision. Just remember what I said about ultimatums.
There is a link in Cadet's homework about setting boundaries, which is different than giving an ultimatum.....that could be helpful.
Also, I will post a shorter version on DBing detaching. Detaching in DB style is not the same as just not being at home all the time. It is not about the silent treatment or acting cold/angry. It is, however, a way for you to cope during a most stressful time. I think you will find that you already have boundaries in place for a lot of things.
You said you use to be gone from home too much, what were your reason?
Besides the issue between his parents, was there anything else your H has told you about a crisis or tragedy that affected his life?
I hope you feel free to ask any questions you may have about DB.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
