Anger, shows shift, movement, change, lack of stuck.
Really all is as it should be.
Great white anger is motivating, gets juices flowing, motivateso and adds strength.
There are many types of anger, rage (red anger) has its place facing a mugger, blood boiling situations. Not so good in this.
Use your anger to propel you, direct you forwards.
Smiling.
All is good
V
Heed Lady V in the wisdom she shares here... You are in the stage of your journey that knowledge of wisdom will greatly benefit... A stage that will require more action, less talk of that which is happening around you...the only control that any of us have is the control of ourself...observe this...the position of observer is a powerful place to be in...control of oneself creates, dare I say magic?...magic in the events and actions of that all around us.
Magic is but an illusion...but miracles are real...miracles are what happen when we begin to master the control of ourself... Miracles are events that we see and experience,but can not yet explain... I believe that miracles are the outcome of self mastery and a strong faith...and hope in... There will be a time that you will be able to begin to explain the miracles...see how they happen...the details of how they come to be... This details will be discovered as you learn and strengthen that which you can control...Yourself.
(((((Cherry)))))
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Cherry, I understand your hurt and anger over the impact of your H's decision on your kids. You are justified to feel all these.
These emotions are telling you that you need to create some boundaries or change some expectations to protect yourself.
Your H may not be a competent or loving dad for a long time. Accept the idea and then let go of your expectations. You are doing what you should be doing. You are there for your S. And so is your family. It will be good if your s can have some other male relatives to look up to as father figures.
I can sense that you're still grieving over the loss of your H and your M. I have realised that the other way out this pain is realy through. There is nothing that will make you stop hurting all of a sudden. The pain may never go away completely. But the intensity will diminish.
If you need to, please take a break for yourself. Take care of yourself and your little ones. You are doing a great job of moving forward and taking care of life.
(((Cherry)))
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I think many parents feel this way when going through a S or D - I can bear the pain for myself, but really struggle with the pain caused to my children.
Others have already given good advice. Own your anger and your pain and process and get it out in the best way you can - away from your H.
When it comes to his H with his child/children - try to act from your highest self and facilitate that contact when he wants to have it. And protect your own heart in that process. There is no need for you to spend time with H if that doesn't work for you.
Your H's life is his to live as he best sees fit - as is yours. And I think you are doing a darn good job of it in difficult circumstances.
Take care Cherry xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
All you can do is for your S and you. 'That', you are doing.
Just keep doing that and keep the frustration at bay.
The rest is down to time. Unless you are Doctor Who you don't and can't control time. Just enjoy it. For, after all, it's all we have. 'All the time in the world....' As the song goes...
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
You need to understand how much of a good Mother you are. These seem like impossible times but you are conquering them with each step you take.
Your S (and bump) are lucky to have you and it's their Father's loss. The kids will grow up learning that their mom never gave up on them and was always there.
There's some great advise above (I'm taking some of it for me too), but I'd just add that treat your self with love. Love what you're doing for your kids and be grateful that they have a Mother like you to help them, protect them and nurture them.
Chin up and carry on doing what you are - remember you're doing an awesome job during some impossible times.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
It is a long hill to climb when you see the results of a WS's actions ripple onto their children. You are doing a great job providing stability and love to him, he will remember this for the rest of his life. I am so proud of you, you are a DBing queen.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Guys thank you all so much for all the constant support, reassurance and advise. It's very much appreciated! Nothing much to report particularly, with work and GAL, I'm rather busy. The last few days I've had a few rather vague "how is everyone" messages. I think he is coming to see S tomorrow unless he bails, it's been 2 weeks.
I do find myself somewhat calmer, I have a routine, things keeping me busier. I wouldn't say I was overly happy, but I'm not pining or finding the days as difficult anymore. I completely leave him to it now, I figure if he wants to get in touch he can, if not, no skin off my nose, I still see my child everyday.
Happy belated holidays to all who celebrated!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
