At BD an M is not 'over', it is over when the LBS decides it is. When they are ready for new M with the old S or a new one.
When you let go when you move on, when you say done. That's when the old M is over.
The toolkit here is for developing yourself, becoming, concentrating on you, havintage boundaries.
You may find the old R, the old M is insufficient. You may find that as you grow become the best you that can be that your standards rocket, that your self esteem grows, that self belief is stratospheric.
That you become the LBS that walks away into the sunset a spouse only a fool would leave. And your ex is a very big fool.
And let me say this, is your WS happier? Do they have the love of their lives? Why is OP a better match?
The answer is they aren't, they are just new and shiny to the wayward, less likely to say 'no' to anything, less likely to criticise or more likely to say yes. Drag through the limmerance phase, when lurve with snookums bunny is glittery with new car smell.
The truth is the wayward isn't happier, just distracted more. Is the OP a better match, yes probably. A cheat is down market and a cheats mate is definitely one down on the LBS. No argument.
Let two down market wassock cheating entitled douches do their muscrat thing with fleas. I do not believe in MLC, nope I believe in bad behaviour, cheating and nasty wormy OP. Knickers don't accidentally fall off and alcohol is no excuse. I believe in gaslighting, lies, smoke, mirrors and cheating being a double life. MLC is not in the DSM, it isn't a personality disorder according to DSM V. It is nasty unpleasant and destructive selfish behaviour.
It's hurtful and painful for the LBS and the best thing that can be done is to be the best you can and invest in you. If the wayward you M wakes up to the loss in their lives make them work for it. You are a better catch, probably too good for the cheating spouse.
Is it likely that the wayward has worked hard on themselves before getting an OP? Not likely, they take themselves into their new R, the unvarnished wayward may be doing you a favour after all by showing you their true colours.
And if your S is merely a walkaway? By becoming the one only a fool would leave, by becoming the best you can be then there is every chance you can attract your walkaway. It takes time, effort and following the principles of DB to have the best chance.
I frankly do not belive in outing A deliberately as a strategy, it makes things worse often, I do not believe in lying though. Truth is truth and will out.
There is no need to unmask a wayward, the truth will out, scoropions sting, mad dogs bite, alcoholics drink. This shows in time, waywards behave wayward lying and gaslighting as they go. Hold your head up, this is their behaviour, it is despicable and awful to be part of. Distance. Be clear this is out of bounds for you.
I don't see this as angelic prophecy either, a means to grow, a blessed lesson. It's unplesant and thank you I would rather each persons spouse here had taken the brave way rather than crossing the rubicon. It hurts, and confuses and even worse some waywards toy with their spouse in order to benefit financially or emotionally.
So for me, the keys are to detach, use observer mode and let the truth be known. Always be prepared to walkaway. If you do walkaway, don't look back and know you have had the last say. If you stay and rebuild then that too is your decision.
The LBS is always the one who lets go of the old R and M.
I know this in my bones.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
