Thank you Esame. Before last February it was a year since we had a R talk. And before that were three months of me in hyper save M mode with associated quite a few R discussions. At the end of this period I had myself together and sat her down and asked for the naked truth of where we were. I pushed but even then didn't voice a bomb drop. Now I don't need verbal confirmation of where we are at.

I don't want an in house separation but living as a couple ignoring the huge white elephant that is ever present is not much better. It has been a long time since I desired talking to her with the aim of working on this. That I know won't help. But I do at times have the urge to say this situation does not suit me and isn't how I want to live.

So yes I try to focus on other stuff with relative success. The best way forward is to work towards a better future and a better life and especially a better happier me.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together