Hey Feyth - Don't let him gaslight you. If he insists on something you know to be untrue, it's untrue. He's just A)trying to justify his behavior by making you out to be the villain and/or B) trying to bully you into giving him everything in the divorce.
Re: the dog - did he own the dog before you married, or was the dog a joint purchase? If he owned the dog before marriage you are probably out of luck (although, I bet, if you don't fight him on it, he'll start asking you to babysit the dog when it's convenient for him soon enough). If the dog was bought when you were married, it is most definitely community property and you can fight for custody if you want - just figure out if this is the hill you want to die on? Shared custody is not very feasible.
Re: his claims that he made all the money. You are employed as I recall, no? And he being older has had more time to establish his career, so it's not a surprise that he makes more money. The law is usually pretty straightforward on splitting marital assets, at least if you live in a community property state, so don't let him bully you. Refer those questions to your lawyer.
Also - I don't remember what assets you had to fight over, but try if you can to get assets rather than alimony, as you'll pay taxes on the alimony you receive (and he gets a tax break) but there will be no taxes if he's just buying you out of house equity.
AND - while you should fight for everything that is rightfully yours, also don't put your financial advancement on hold while going through this. Just start figuring out how to make a good enough living that you are okay with or without his cooperation. There's something delightful in being able to say FU. I have only held my tongue with my ex because I needed his cooperation to get our kids through college. Try to get yourself to a position where you can say whatever you want and he can't financially hurt you.
As for the spew - anger is guilt turned outward. Try to limit communications to emails, that way at least you don't have to listen to it and you have documentation for your lawyer. Also you don't have to read or respond right that minute if it's too upsetting.
It's a painful process but I assure you, once it's done you'll feel freer. It's sad to see the person you once adored turn into someone you can't respect - sometimes it's a temporary takeover by aliens, sometimes it's just the rose-colored glasses coming off and you begin to see them as they always were.
