Sometimes, people aren't healthy enough to do life with us. Be it mentally, physically, emotionally. Sometimes they can't do it. And that's ok.
XH is one of my soulmates - and one of the loves of my life, if not THE love of my life. I don't dispute that. And just because we are no longer married, doesn't make him less of a person, or less important. However, he cannot be my partner, my husband, and in my life in a significant way while he isn't healthy. It's not good for him. It's not good for me. And that's the bottom line.
Thank you for those words. In my heart I know that him being so unhealthy is also causing my own well being to suffer. It's scary to think about a life without him.. I also know he has been the love of my life. Maybe he always will be, together or not.. but I let my love for him rule over my love for myself for so long now. I think I keep making the excuse of the last 10 years we've been together with his illness never affecting us, not even close to what this has been like... And then then I also think, how is it that he can be this unhealthy right now, yet he can maintain this relationship with OW and even discuss marriage with her... or is that another delusion of his illness?
I feel like I have wasted the last year, just contributing and enabling this situation. But you're right, I have to commit to boundaries, go dim, and protect myself and my daughter.. My mom has been pleading with me to start putting things in place to protect us, mainly because neither myself or H has filed yet. I need to gather my courage.
