jade - I've struggled with this myself. I actually have more family pictures up on the wall than when W left but that was because she took a lot of our art and I pulled old pictures out of the closet to cover up the blank spaces.
I don't know what the "right" answer is - but it would be whatever feels "right" for you. It sounds like your kids get some strength from seeing them too so that's a factor for you to consider. I know that originally I felt like stripping all traces of W from the house. I haven't though but neither have I made the house into a shrine dedicated to W and our former MR. I expect over time that I'll get some new art that I love to replace most of the family pictures that are up but there are a couple like the collage from D24's wedding that will probably be a permanent fixture in the house still.
I don't know if that helps or not but it's the best advice I have.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Idk, feeling pretty low right now. I feel like i cant find the middle ground between pursuing and being cold. Ive been dim for 3-4 weeks now. And i feel its only given her that 'finally he gets it, and will leave me alone now." When the goal is for her to miss some of her old life, and be curious why ive stopped engaging with her. I had my opportunity to DB while she was still in the house, instead i broke practically every on of sandis rules, and didnt find this site until a month after she moved out. Now theirs some other person taking my place in every aspect of my wifes life! And has infected my wife and turned her into someone 17 year old bratty teenager. Ive seen this happen to so many wives our age, and it scares the crap out of that this was hiding inside her for all 14 yrs ive known her
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
jade - Does it matter? What's your motivation for doing this? I've left my W on mine (which she uses to fund birth control to be with OM) because I'm not out of pocket and it doesn't interfere in my life at all.
I personally think one of the fundamental rules of DB is "don't be an @ss" but I don't believe that to be a universally held view. Looking at it from the longer view, when your W wakes up and notices this great guy she left behind, what do you want her to remember about you? Keep in mind too that anything you do that affects her will be magnified in her mind 1000 times as she re-writes the marital history and used as part of her justification that leaving was the smart thing to do.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Is your insurance offered through your work? Are you still in open enrollment? Does she have the option to get insurance through her work? Is that still in open enrollment?
Usually, you can't make changes outside of open enrollment without a legal change in marital status.
I would consider dropping her from your insurance to be a jerk move unless it is part of a legal separation of finances.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Is your insurance offered through your work? Are you still in open enrollment? Does she have the option to get insurance through her work? Is that still in open enrollment?
Usually, you can't make changes outside of open enrollment without a legal change in marital status.
I would consider dropping her from your insurance to be a jerk move unless it is part of a legal separation of finances.
Yup
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
I am in open enrollment until tomorow. I felt it could be a jerk move. But im afraid ill be financing an potential pregnancy. My lawyer says if i drop her before anything is filed, its no biggy, but once filed the judges frown on dropping.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
I feel like im gonna lose it!!! Daughter just mentioned that kids stayed with OM while wife worked, when her parents were available and so was i. I am very livid right now and unsure how to react, do i confront, let it go? It upsets me that she had options, just they were inconvenient for her.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
I don't think having her on your insurance makes you responsible for her medical bills.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
I can't remember--is there something objectively objectionable about OM? Like a criminal record?
In general I feel it does more harm than good to try to control who she leaves the kids with on her days--it keeps you too tied up in her life, monitoring things, and puts kids in an uncomfortable position--but if he has a criminal record I would pursue a legal separation agreement with clauses about them spending time with him.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
