Coffee and spinning

[Coly23]

Thanks everyone for your comments. H eventually responded to my text on Saurday morning! I've learned my lesson and Roist I agree it could be any of a number of reasons why he didn't come back to me. I've just got to stop building stories in my head!

Long post alert!

Journaling - Did some GAL on Saturday. I met a friend for breakfast and she brought her scrumptious 5 month old son. I could have stayed cuddling him all day! Me and D then went to look for prom dresses later on in the day. She looked stunning in everything she tried on and got lots of lovely comments from other customers in the store. She has chosen her dress now and is very happy! Then the weekend went downhill from there on...

When I returned from prom dress shopping I noticed I had a text from the wife of H's friend. The one who told me she was fed up of my self pity, blah, blah, blah... I haven't spoken to her since September, mainly because I was really hurt by her comments but also I decided to stay away as I still feel quite raw from everything so I wouldn't be much good to her. The text started off asking how me and D were and went on to tell me that H had been over at their's that morning helping them move some furniture and he mentioned that we had met for coffee. She said that she was so happy that H and I were able to remain as friends.

I was sooo annoyed with this text. Why you might ask? First of all I asked H to not tell anyone about us meeting for coffee because I didn't want all the gossip. Secondly H has never helped me with anything since he left and thirdly I realise I do not want H as a friend. I asked her if H had told her we were just friends and she said that it was just an assumption on her part. I reminded her that we are still married and I met my husband for a coffee and not a 'friend'. I do think she wants me and H to maintain the status quo so she it can make it easier for her.

Anyway H asked me to call to let him know how the prom dress shopping went and although I was seething I was very pleasant when I explained how we got on and then I let him have it, both barrels. I couldn't help it, I was so mad that he let me down by telling our friend about coffee. It all came flooding out. I told him how I do not want to be his friend, how he had abandoned us/me, how easy we made it for him to move on, how we should have a chance to draw a line under the past and try to rebuild, how I thought his behaviour in ignoring my texts or not answering for hours/days was passive aggressive. I think that shocked him. I asked him again if there was anyone else and he said no. He said he didn't want to come back and I told him I agree that he shouldn't come back but that it didn't mean we couldn't start to rebuild our marriage whilst we live apart. He waivered and I asked him if we could talk and he said he would see us today after work. Afterwards I was a mess. D was so angry with me! She told me there was no point in DB'ng if I just did the opposite of what I have been advised to do. I was ashamed as I had cried a lot down the phone to H. Sunday was a write off! D cancelled brunch with H as she was annoyed that he still didn't want to try to fix our family. We just hunkered down together and licked our wounds.

Now I can count on one hand the amount of texts H initiated since May but early Monday morning I got a text saying 'Morning! Shall I bring pudding tomorrow night?' Wow I was shocked to say the least and then we had some really nice text exchange about house stuff but it wasn't the usual business like texts it was like I was texting the sold H.

So tonight H came over straight from work. He brought pudding and Christms chocolate and lottery cards to make our traditional advent calendar. We were sad that it was just for me and D but pleased that he had remembered our tradition. He then went up into the loft to get our Christmas decorations down. He changed into some joggers and a pair of trainers he found in his wardrobe and got to work to bring everything down. He then asked if he could buy us a Christmas tree and has offered to take us on Sunday. He has also agreed to start coming over again once a week and also for me and him to go out once a week. He left his joggers and trainers back in the wardrobe...

After H left I got a text pretty soon after he must have got in to his flat to thank me for dinner and to say that he will pay for D's joint Christmas/birthday present if I pay for the prom dress. I think the present is much more than the dress. Again, this is the first time he has initiated a text after we have seen him.

I feel a little like something has slightly shifted but I don't know what as yet. D told me tonight that although she was upset with my outburst on Saturday it might actually have been a good thing because we all seem to have relaxed a bit and things weren't so tense this time around.

I'm looking forward to getting the tree on Sunday and we are also going to grab some lunch. Tonight I also got three kisses on the lips from H throughout the evening...