Thank you all so much for giving me such good feedback, support and advice.
What I know about myself.
I am super sensitive. I am a super sensitive person who is also rock hard. it's a paradox within myself and can be hard for others to handle and myself to handle.
I make lots and lots of mistakes. Which is ok. Sometimes I repeat mistakes, but luckily, I catch myself pretty early and I have a much easier time dusting off and moving on. I don't beat myself up as bad.
Why can't I fully break this off? I don't know. Is it me, is it him, do I not want to feel like an arse? But holding off any longer will make me feel like one. Maybe a part of me hopes it will work out somehow some way. But it won't.
I have a very in order regimented life right now. Crazy busy, sometimes too much pressure to do all alone emotionally, but I think it's best if I just keep my order. Especially since my child is doing the best she ever has, and I don't know that I really want to rock that boat.
I really just am not in a place to be juggling dating right now. And I come to realize most men cannot handle ME. I don't need a man to live and while they think at first, "that's really attractive" I feel like they feel less of a man because of that and try to compensate in other ways. It's easy for a guy to take care of certain needs like paying for things, and the such. But the needs I have aren't ones many want to or are capable of fulfilling. They are the hard ones. And yes, I am not so easy to love, I realize that. I am a very hard shell with a very soft center. Life has kicked my butt, and this is the end result. Which I accept about me.
Will someone else accept it one day? Maybe, maybe not. He'd have to be one helluva strong man. And maybe to that person, I will, indeed, easy to love.
It's not you. It's the guys you are meeting. You are high quality. If my brothers were single i would set you up in a heart beat. I can only chalk it up to the region. Because seriously there is no other explanation.
You are smart and physically beautiful and emotionally mature. It's just hard finding someone that is of equal quality.
