I have advised many posters over the years that MLCers have been emotionally stunted at an early stage of their lives. The person or persons who did this are called authority figures. They could be parents, teachers, priests/ministers, coaches, etc., but someone made him feel very insignificant growing up. He wasn't recognized for the things that he did and he certainly didn't receive the attention and love that he so richly deserved.
When the crisis hits, all of those childhood issues/feelings/emotions are coming to the surface because they've been bottled up for a very long time and now need to be let out and faced. Your man/child hasn't grown up emotionally and now he must face those issues, accept and learn that he wasn't at fault for what happened and start growing up.
For now, listen and validate. Phrase your requests for him to be a dinner or any other activities as "h, I know you may have other plans, but we would love to have you come home and have dinner w/us.". This allows him to make the decision as to whether he wants to come home or go to his appointments. Keep in mind, you do not want to come off sounding like his mother...keep the requests light and open for him to make his own decision.
Continue to read the other threads and this may be the time to go back and re-read the homework posting that Cadet created. Each time you read the links, your eyes will open a bit more and what you read will make even more sense to you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
