Thank you for the response Job. I find it really helpful to understand the "whys" behind the advice. It helps me to remember what to do and why I should be doing it.

We had a little bit of a blow up today. I did some bad DB'ing and confronted him about a lunch date I know he had with OW. He got pissed. Of course. Then he said something I found interesting, he said he did not know anything I was doing in my life, but he believes I expect him to relay in "chapter and verse" everything he does. (Not true, but if he is going to "date," I need to know because that is my boundary, he can move out and date all he wants, but I won't live like that under the same roof). I did manage to maintain my composure enough not to not get sucked into an argument on whether I require him to recite his whereabouts "chapter and verse." He also said, at least twice, that he was fine with not knowing where I was or what I was doing. He said that it was okay with him. (If it is okay with him, then why bother bringing it up? Am I wrong?)

Nonetheless, I had just thought he wasn't interested in knowing what I was doing, where I was going, etc. I thought he didn't care so I didn't think to bother him with it.

I told him that I am grateful that he shared his feelings about this with me because this is information that I did not know before. As a result, I can making changes on my end. And so I am now texting him my goings on. OMG, it is so tiresome, but he seems to appreciate it. He has been sending text messages back expressing interest and asking questions. We'll see. And while I know I should have zero expectations, I will wait to see if he actually reciprocates. Because I won't make this degree of effort without some degree of validation at some point. I will not go down a cheeseless tunnel.

Another thing I was wondering about, was his bringing up what I do a way of forcing the focus off of him, because it certainly seemed to work. And was this projection on his part? Part of me thinks it was and I feel bamboozled for falling for it. He never told me who he had lunch with, so I think I will let it go. For now. Another part of me thinks that maybe we needed to have this kind of discussion and maybe if it changes the dynamic in this regard, it was a good thing. Time will tell.

On a positive note, he texted me this afternoon regarding a change in his dentist appointment. The new appointment time would be during our regular dinner time. I told him that I would like to have dinner together, but I realize he may not feel the same so the choice was his. He rescheduled the appointment for a non-dinner time.

I am starting to feel like he is emotionally stunted and just doesn't know how to communicate his emotions, wants, needs, and feelings. The only way he can do it is when he is angry, almost like it is forced out of him. Family and friends have told me they believe he is stunted, but I haven't really given those opinions much weight, until now.