Under a Big Umbrella

[HaWho]

Thanks Bttrfly, Job, Roist, Esame and Sotto. I appreciate the kind words and the support.

Fighton - love your name! Thanks so much for the encouraging words. Honestly, I think I really started to detach a few months ago. As for what worked for me? I did do a massive amount of reading on depression and MLC. And then I re-read and re-read. It helped me to understand what I was seeing as in the beginning, it was surreal. The people here helped me so much, too. Especially poor Job who kept telling me it wasn't my fault.

It begins by understanding you didn't cause this and you couldn't have prevented it. Then I began by GAL. This helped keep me from slipping into my own depression over the reality of things. For me, it was 100% physical. I began hiking and played a lot of tennis. This helped me get through the anger. I walked A LOT. Still do. To this day, I still have sneakers and a change of clothes in my car in case I feel the need to get away. Other than that, it takes time to process it all. Ironically, once you begin to detach you see it's actually harder and more painful to hold on than to let go.

There is no one way to get through this. The trick is to keep to healthy coping patterns.

Quick update: came home from early morning errands Saturday and "Let it Snow" was blaring from the dorm room. H mentioned his tree and said he'll put it in the hallway this year so it's in the entance hall. Thought it would be fun to make it like the "elf on the shelf" and move it each day! Let's see if he really can share it.

Later in the day h listened to really depressing 70's music ALL.DAY.LONG. I realized I'd rather listen to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer over and over again rather than the depressing drivel.

We picked up our tree and had plans to decorate it Sunday. But h was too tired. And too tired last night, as well. Poor tree is still sitting naked in the corner of the living room. It looks as sad as h.

Last night I overheard him talking to his best buddy from college. The friend asked where h was calling from and h said his "man cave." Hmm, more like "cub cave." Then he proceeded to tell his friend how "awesome" his "man cave" is. He was selling hard. Loads of exuberance! Of course he never told the guy it doubles as his nursery!

He's moved some pictures around the house. He took some of his favorites from elsewhere and moved them into the dorm room. I know this is PA. He is trying to tell me: "I am going to move the best stuff into my room because I am stuck in the smallest room of the house. Nah nah nah boo boo."

He again mentioned how small his bathroom is. But again, did so with kids in the room. He also made another PA comment about my depression. That also was done with S11 in the room and so that it went over s's head. I ignored it. It's easy to do because A) I have already apologized for that B) I am not that person anymore HOWEVER, I am mortal and did mourn over my sister's son and C) I have forgiven myself.

If he ever wakes up I will try my hardest not to make shots at him for his own depression. It's really distasteful.