For me the two "SS's" surviving and spirituality. Initially I begged and pleaded, then tried to bargain, and eventually became depressed. My survival instincts have kicked back in and my main focus is keeping my lights on, myself safe, and my home out of foreclosure. In addition, I'm trying to balance home repair (I no longer have time to DIY), while also taking care of elderly parents.
Before she left my spirituality was in the gutter and I was estranged from a lot of friends and family. After her leaving those areas have improved, those are the two bright spots.
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I see you GAL and still blame your wife for your unhappiness. All of your focus and posts are of her.
I'm trying to work on the hurt and towards forgiveness. I'm more hurt by the false accusations, the threats, betrayal, and her destructive behavior. I also blame myself for being "conned" and "blind" for so long, it will probably take me longer to get over losing myself than her lying, hiding money, at least one probable affair (that I know of), and the vandalism. In the end I have accept my own foolishness and naiveté.
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Based on DR, what were your goals towards improving things with your W?
Initially my goals were to improve myself and show that I could forgive (GAL but leave the door open for her come back). I even signed up for three telephone sessions with a coach. But as I started recovering from the shock, more and more things started filtering back to me from friends and family regarding her words, actions, and behavior. She also got meaner, more impatient, and nastier in her emails/contact with me as time progressed.
As it stands now I'm not sure there is much I can do at this point regarding any relationship improvement with her. If contact or feelings of trust with/in her were numbers, I would be at -85 at this point.
I have not seen or spoken to her since her last tornado of a visit a while ago, right after she came to rant and scream at me for filing and for not going along with her "plan". The only thing I could do is just sit there emotionless and numb as she threw a fit in our front yard.
I miss her dearly at times but then the resentment and anger builds back up and I'm not sure if I can even begin to talk to her due to all the betrayal.
I'm preparing for the worst but praying for the best.
Originally Posted By: j20a00g
I think this is what mrbond is referring to. I would agree with him. You sound as if you want out more than she does. So why not pull the trigger?
I did, I filed for divorce a while ago; however, my claim/case is still being reviewed. I did not want to do it, but after she started demanded "more and more" and really started piling on the accusations of abuse I sought out legal counsel.
My not giving her cash, selling the home using an agent she found, and giving her the expensive furniture was being "abusive" in her book. In addition, she kept looming a divorce filing over my head because I was not reacting and going along with her fast enough.
Not sure where her thirst for instant money all of sudden came from after her walking out. She has rich parents, rich friends, and we did alright with our combined income (money was no object to her, while a constant worry to me).
I came from poor working class background and am mentally preparing myself to go back to "sleeping on couches" and working odd jobs again if need be. That and prayer are really the only things I can do right now.
