I think it's time to set up a holiday schedule. If you have them Christmas Eve, then she should have them Christmas Day and next year it would be vice versa. Holidays have always been a pain in the side of separated/divorced parents...but a schedule would help alleviate some of the tension and will help both of you to arrange your schedules the best way possible.
Your w was angry because she didn't get the apartment and her commenting about being a "xxx mother" was part of the poor me mentality as well as feeling guilty for not remembering the gum. Don't buy into her rants. When she doesn't get what she wants or things don't play out like she thinks they should, she's going to be ranting and it's not your place or the children's to be her targets for this stuff. Don't buy into her drama.
You've got plenty of time to work out the details for the upcoming holiday and I would sit her down and let her know which day you will have the children and I would stick to my stand on this. If you have them Christmas Eve, then she should have them New Year's Eve, etc. It's time to show her what life is going to be about if she continues down this road of destruction. It's nothing personal...it's more about the welfare of your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
