Don't know where I belong.....

[twinmom]

Well, I've been reading a lot on boundaries and I need help. It's not healthy for me to interact with H's family. It brings out so much anger in me and then I fully take it out on H. I see us in the same place we were before he left but now it's me that wants out.

So I made dinner reservations for our family. Plans to attend parade in Chicago, hit up Shedd Aquarium when we got too cold and then dinner..... 2 days before Thanksgiving H calls me from work. Basically his mom pushed him into hosting & her bringing all food. I said we had tried this before & it didn't work. Told H to tell his mom just to buy tamales, guac & pico not to attempt the full dinner. But yes, I caved.

I am still so angry with MYSELF for caving. And what happened? The same bull@$!! as every holiday. My house was left a mess, no one cleaned up after themselves. H's nieces destroyed my kids rooms (toys everywhere) and didn't help clean up.
And to top it all off H was talking to his 2yr old niece about Disney characters and I said (sarcastically) tell your mommy & daddy to take you to see them. H then told her, "Your aunt twinmom is so nice we will take you".
I said this sarcastically because her parents gamble/shop/drink/job hop and don't have a penny to their name. They won't be taking her or her 6yr old sister to Disney. H thinks we should take them with as we have been going every year and that it's not fair.

I work very hard & so does H, he thinks we should be generous like when we host holidays. It makes me angry to spend my hard earned money on his family.

How can I set boundaries that are fair to H & still protect me from his family (being used)