Waywards do come back. First step: LET GO

[BluWave]

DDJ, thank you. And thank you for the laugh. :-) Maybe we could all use a little more romance. I was thinking more diamonds would be nice too. Ha!

Bee, thanks for weighing in. I haven't read any of your posts. So your H had an A, you worked through it, he had another A, and now you are most likely done? What was the time line on that? I'll look for your thread. Can you link it here?

I don't think the boards hold me back in that I feel loyalty with other DBers, but more so it was (less as I move forward) a constant trigger. It is also a painful reminder when I read about LBS pining for a WS that is walking all over them. I want to see more LBS DB, let go, focus on them GAL, etc, because I know it is the best thing for them. I also can see how much I added to my own pain by not doing it correctly.

I am realizing that I can shift my focus and perspective to better understand how/why things could have happened to us, as opposed to being left with a painful trigger. For example if I read a post where LBS is struggling with an emotion that I can relate to, I stop and think about why I may have experienced that too, how I handled it, and what I could have done differently. This is where the focus of my advise comes from.

So over all in my sitch, I have turned another corner. I feel closer to H and I am making an effort to let some walls down. We have had some fun dates recently. I have tried to tell him more specifically the things I want from him and he is doing them. It feels nice. I have decided that I can fall in love with him without codependency. I don't want that. I want a genuine friendship and the type of love that we both choose each day. It's ironic because I thought we had that for the first 12 years or so, but I can see now how we didn't. Was this sitch a blessing in disguise? I have no idea.

I also want to post about my continual DB efforts--I always say it is for life--because I appreciate the posters that can do this.

For my 180s, I am trying to be more flexible with H and the kids. I am allowing them to make some decisions that I normally would make. I am exercising more patience and giving up some control. I am also trying to be more present when I am with people. It is an ongoing effort for me.

For my GAL, I have been spending much more time with friends. I have gotten a house cleaner, which has freed up some time on my days off. I have taken up a new hobby and been crafting with one of my kids. I have decided to take up a new exercise program, and realize that I have fallen off the wagon with fitness, so I am looking into what that is.

I have been given some new responsibilities at work. I am going to study for a test and additional credential.

More so, I am trying to work on being less hard on myself. My friends are walking in the door. More later....

Happy Sunday. Keeping on DBing folks. It's for life!
Blu