bsb, her actions are confusing because she is confused, she may want to believe you can change but she has memories of trying to get you to change and you not doing so.
Right now it's important that you do change, not for her but for you, so you are a better person. You said a light bulb went off in your head when you read one book, well there are many more light bulbs you need to turn on.
For now, be kind and supporting to her when she reaches out, but don't reach out to her, give her space to figure herself out. When you talk to her, don't tell her how much you've learned, show her. Validate her feelings (read the homework cadet gave you), and when she's not reaching out to you use that time to look into yourself and improve things one at a time.
...
Bsb, I can't put it any better than coconut did. All of the above should be your focus. The more you can get focus off her and onto you the more balanced you will feel. You need that balance to get stronger and fix your issues.
What are you doing to fix you right now?
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
