MLC H at age 32, maybe single mum with a toddler S

[Rose888]

A lot of people seem to confuse LRT and detachment.

Last Resort Technique is something you do as a last resort--after you have tried other things and they have failed. LRT is not something you need in a healthy relationship.

Detachment is something that helps in a troubled relationship BUT it is also an important part of a healthy relationship. You don't stop detaching when your spouse comes back and you are all pieced together.

Detachment is about you being responsible for your own mental health and happiness.

What does it look like? For me, it's about not looking to H to make me feel better when I make a mistake or expecting him to help me deal with the consequences. It's about not telling him I love him when I am doing it in the hopes that he will say it back and soothe my neediness. It means when his day is going badly, I don't get sucked into his stress and worry either by trying to solve it for him or by becoming stressed and worried myself. It means paying attention to how I want to spend my time, and making sure I am not compromising that too often if he doesn't want to do the same thing.

In addition, when the relationship is struggling, it means not reading his mood in the light of our relationship. His bad days and good days might have nothing to do with the R, so I shouldn't interpret his behaviors and moods as signs for good or bad.

Detachment has nothing to do with warm or cool. I am warmly detached. (We're piecing.)