where to begin or end?

[Rose888]

Kids just informed me they had turkey along with wife yesterday. The kicker is my wife dislikes turkey. Weve always had to do ham at any holiday functions. Along with coffee. She always hated coffee, about the time the affair started she started drinking coffee too...

So?

Not all change is bad. One of the benefits of a marriage crisis is that it can shake both partners free of their own ruts and of forcing the other partner to stay in their rut.

There are legitimate issues--like the affair. Don't go wasting emotional energy on your wife expanding her taste.

[jade]

Because all these years i wasnt good enough for her to step out of her comfort zone for, i liked coffee, i liked turkey, not to mention our sexlife. But some guy she barely knows is. It kills me

[bsb]

Jade I understand completely how little things get to you. I don't think it's because you aren't good enough. She's in a fog right now and nothing she does is normal. My wife is doing similar things.

[Rose888]

It has nothing to do with you being "good enough."

It might have to do with a bad pattern the two of you got into, but that's not about your worth.

It also might have to do with not having to cook the turkey. (Or maybe not, because you do the cooking? Not sure.)

When you're ready, you might want to think about whether you made trying new things feel like capitulation. (Not saying you did, but I've seen it happen.) Also whether you worked for a relationship where each person could enjoy what they liked (like coffee and turkey and ham) whether their partner liked it or not.

But again, it's not about your worth.

[jade]

I always felt like we compromised well. We functioned as a great team. We werent the power couple, but all of our friends and family looked up to our relationship.
Her dislike for turkey or coffee preceeded our relationship. Most of the early years holidays were done at other family members but as we became more established, we became the stable/center of both our broken families.

To me her changes feel like shes trying very hard to conform to OM likes. He has a thing for batman, so wife had my son and daughter dress as batboy and batgirl girl for halloween. My daughter is a disney princess girl through n through. Daughter even asked if id let her wear a princess dress to school for halloween instead. To which wife then talked her out of, and then accused me of trying to manipulate my daughter

[Rose888]

I always felt like we compromised well. We functioned as a great team. We werent the power couple, but all of our friends and family looked up to our relationship.
Her dislike for turkey or coffee preceeded our relationship. Most of the early years holidays were done at other family members but as we became more established, we became the stable/center of both our broken families.

To me her changes feel like shes trying very hard to conform to OM likes. He has a thing for batman, so wife had my son and daughter dress as batboy and batgirl girl for halloween. My daughter is a disney princess girl through n through. Daughter even asked if id let her wear a princess dress to school for halloween instead. To which wife then talked her out of, and then accused me of trying to manipulate my daughter

So based on what you say in this ^^^^post, this doesn't sound like healthy change for your wife. Which just emphasizes that this has nothing to do with you.

You wouldn't want your wife to co form to your likes, would you?

[Rose888]

* conform

[jade]

No i wouldnt want her to conform to me, sure sometimes i wanted compromise or my needs met. I dont feel i ever pushed her to conform. If anyone conformed it may have been me. But in most cases, we would agree to disagree. So instead of coffee id drink cappacino or hot chocolate. If i wanted turkey id make turkey and then ham for her, or use an opportunity at a restaraunt to get my fix. Etc.. obviously these are just some basic examples.

I find hope that her unhealthy changes for him wont last forever. That eventually she will grow tired of being fake. But when will that occur, she has a very stubborn streak.

Just stinks that shes willing to abandon herself and morals for him.

[jade]

I really hope my wife snaps out of this fog. But right now its all exciting and distracting for her, shes been helping him prep him and his STBXW house for showings, then theyll be busy getting their own place im sure, so probably 3+ months before things even settle down for them to have time to let reality set in. That doesnt even include the divorce process for them to be a team on, because my wife hasnt filed yet.

Im not sure why i even care anymore.
Everyday im not served is another day of marriage, and another day for me to figure out how to save my marriage. But everyday is also another day my wife thinks its ok to be destroying our family

[jade]

Anyone have advice on what to do with remaining relationship/family/marital photos on the walls. My kids like to look at them so im hesitant on taking them down, but i dont want them disappearing either.