But I am worried. I felt nothing. No sadness, no pain, no resentment, no nostalgia; really and truly, no emotion whatsoever. I am concerned about that.
I thanked him for a nice day. He thanked me for the nice company. And the first thing that came to my mind was: there could be a lot of men who would enjoy my company.
Hi HaWho, Happy Thanksgiving ... I think it's actually normal that you felt nothing. Honey, you've been living directly in the war zone that is MLC ... there's bound to be some trauma. You've had to shut down to some extent I think to survive. I defer to people who have been around longer, but that's my feeling on this. He has caused a lot of damage to your trust and it will take more than one nice day together to restore that. Yes, a lot of men would enjoy your company. I think that this is what they mean when they say ultimately it's up to us whether or not the marriage survives.
I have felt that also. My heart has always skipped a beat when I look at my STBXH. I noticed at S's confirmation that it no longer happens. Now when I look at him I don't see my darling husband. I see the man who abandoned me and broke my and our son's heart. That makes me sad, but there is no skipping heart any longer. Could it come back? Dunno. I can only tell you that I think it's normal given the circumstances. Best to keep it in the day to day.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
