Wow Feyth - such heavy duty processing on your end. Good on you!

So, if I may, here are some thoughts I have. It's so good you are recognizing your discomfort with people being upset with you. Whether this is a FOO issue for you or not, now is the time to course correct. And you are very fortunate that you're figuring this out so young! I think it can take women more time "to come into their own" for various familial and societal reasons. This is an issue hear and dear to my own heart as I have grown so much through this hot mess.

I see it all the time. A man is aggressive at work and he's a "go-getter." A woman is aggressive in the workplace? What a b**ch! We've all seen it. Even many women sit quiet with the double standard, afraid of speaking up. One of my biggest personal regrets is not calling out that double standard for fear of being branded bi**hy, too. Now I do call it out.

What I have learned? Actually, some of the nicest people on this planet have the firmest boundaries in place. Telling people where the lines are in our life is a GOOD thing. It allows us to have healthy relationships. People are not confused.

Once we get in touch with our inner voice, define our boundaries and get downright righteous about them, we create a circle of healthy relationships. For me? The thinking has been: I am this person. If you can't honor that? Then you are not in my inner circle and I have lost nothing as it's not a healthy relationship anyway. There's nothing more lonely than not being able to be you around "friends."

It does start with this inner voice you are hearing! Listen to it and honor it. You will attract like minded people, which is what you want.

You're not going to like this next bit. While I am so sorry he's doing this blackmail with the dog; personally? I would consider going completely dark on him. Sit and think if interacting with him over the dog is healthy for you. If it isn't I would go NC. If you don't have the heart to do it, to protect yourself from his nastiness, I would deal only with your lawyer from this point forward. However, don't be surprised if he contacts you to take care of the dog when it's convenient for him. So determine your boundaries there, too.

I suspect by this time his poor lawyer (or that person who is "conferring" with him) has had to explain how the legal system really works when it come to division of marital assets. He has to be rip roarin' mad. And so he'll probably try to control whatever he can whenever he can. I suspect as he "loses" some things he thought he would for sure have, he'll get even uglier.

Maybe stop and determine how to put yourself first here. Remember, if you lose unhealthy relationships, actually, you didn't lose a thing!