where to begin or end?

[doodler]

So ive kept my ring on through all of this. My question is should i take it off? At least in her presence if im not fully ready?

jade,

The question about wearing a ring comes up often. There are varying opinions. In my opinion, it doesn't seem to matter too much whether you wear you ring or not, so don't waste too many brain cycles on that question.

However, from a DB perspective, you're supposed to act as if you're moving on with your life. In my opinion, removing your ring is just one more signal to your spouse that you're ready to move on. I'm in favor of ring removal if the spouse isn't wearing their ring.

[jade]

Ok. Thanks. She took her ring off 2 days after deciding against the marriage. Another DB question, what about the marital home? As it stands its solely in my name with little equity, im keeping it currently for kids sake of familiarity of home. But the not much has changed within the home, i dont have the means to redecorate, or the touch. Does keeping the marital signal im not moving on, should i sell?

[doodler]

Does keeping the marital home signal im not moving on, should i sell?

jade,

It depends on the situation. If you can't afford the house by yourself, then you have no choice but to sell.

In my case, I'd already told my wife that I wasn't moving out of the master bedroom so she moved to the guest room. She kept trying to get me to move to the guest room so she could have the master bedroom. I vividly remember the last time she tried to get me to move out of the master bedroom; we were standing in the family room and I said, "I'm staying in that bedroom (pointing to the master bedroom) and in this house (pointing to the ground) so that the boys will have some stability in their lives." I stayed true to my words and I've relished that moment often. I eventually booted my wife out of the house.

Now she's my ex-wife. But, I have to say, it's been really nice keeping the house.

[jade]

3 bed apts run the same as my homes monthly, i could always move out into my moms until i found something more 'me' but then thats not as good for the kids. The days before wife moved out she personalized/organized the the kitchen pantry, i even asked her why if she was leaving. I told her i wasnt sure if id keep the house cuz it was 'ours'. Right now almost feels like my house is also her 'slowly dissappering' plan B. I still have all her great grandmas history, photos, financials at the house. Wifes childhood beanie babies she'll never part with. My freind says shes not taken that stuff yet cuz its 'safe' here. Wife kept her rings, took vacation memories, even snatched the cds of wedding photos(all were backed up onto several devices in her posession).

[jade]

How about car insurance, shes been paying what hers cost, but is still riding on my plan, now OM has been driving it, do i tell her to get her own policy?

[jade]

Correction, i called insurance, apparently its her policy so i cant remove her, and will get hit with a higher rate on my own... I dont think she realizes this because ive been the one handling the policy

[jade]

So today is thanksgiving. My wife has our kids with her, at her moms, but her mom is out of town, her stepdad has to work later. Do i extend the kids n her an invite to my mothers? 50/50 chance shes doing nothing, or spending it with OM/family.

[jade]

I am completely floored. Wife took kids to OM grandparents for thanksgiving! The kids have only known OM for under 5 weeks!
Is this something i should be confronting my wife about? Am i a doormat letting it happen? Im so torn on how to handle these situations.

[Rose888]

I'm curious to hear what the vets say, but I wouldn't confront because I don't see how you can control who she takes the kids to see.

Trying to control what you can't control makes you look weak.

[jade]

Kids just informed me they had turkey along with wife yesterday. The kicker is my wife dislikes turkey. Weve always had to do ham at any holiday functions. Along with coffee. She always hated coffee, about the time the affair started she started drinking coffee too...