Focus on Me and the Boys 10

[sandi2]

Why do you have to talk with her over the phone about S6, when you have already told her? If it's for legal reasons of some sort, you may want to consider recording the conversation. You know she's going to claim he should be with her and then he wouldn't act out in school.

[J5K]

Well the conversation at 9 am was short. She clearly stated she would not authorize any therapy for the boys.

Later that evening she wanted to talk again. I will spare the details as it was a constant swirl. I explained to XW that we were moving and she said she would not authorize the move.

I called my L the next day and my L was shocked that XW would not allow the boys to move. XW asked if I would pay her for watching S3 during the day while I was at work! I was appalled.

My L said we will be filing a motion to get the boys into therapy and for the move. L says no judge would deny a move so the boys could be closer to their mother.

I did also ask my L if I am allowed to record phone conversations and L said she will find out and let me know.

XW asked if I am still going to therapy, I said yes, then she tried to find out which therapist, I said it was none of her concern, so she mentioned the psychologist who did the family psych eval, thinking I am seeing her and XW actually told me that she thought this woman was a moron and did not agree with the psych eval at all. I could not believe what I heard.

Unless the princess gets her way she is going to fight me on everything. Yesterday she sends a text wishing all of us a Happy Thanksgiving and asked to speak with the boys. I thanked her and said I would have the boys call if we were back from my family's house otherwise it will be the next day.

On a more positive note, we went to my brother's house for Thanksgiving, 10 cousins were playing and having a blast, the boys were coming up and giving me hugs at various times throughout the day. It felt very nice. They were well behaved for the most part. I really enjoyed myself and felt happy and content.

Oh and if I have not officially stated, I am now D'd as of a week ago. I still do not feel like it though. It feels like XW and I are on a long vacation apart from each other.

She did state at one time during our conversation that we are still tied to each other because of the boys. Which is why I am still fighting for my M even though I am D'd.

[SH_]

Unless the princess gets her way...

Is that what you really feel about her?
If so, then this comment makes very little sense...

Which is why I am still fighting for my M even though I am D'd.

She did state at one time during our conversation that we are still tied to each other because of the boys.Which is why I am still fighting for my M even though I am D'd.

More confusing thoughts that you share...
She is correct...it is a fact that you are tied together because of your sons...but this fact does not have a hidden meaning...your statement indicates that you added meaning to it...

JK,

We are not our thoughts...but when one continues to voice the randomness of the thoughts and emotions that flow through, they begin to take actions...actions that are not necessarily in line with what is good and what is not...poor emotional health and behavior tends to stem from this pattern.
Ongoing statements of the random feelings and emotions one feels leads to random actions that can be called selfish...
Please read up on emotional maturity...

"Emotional maturity refers to your ability to understand, and manage, your emotions. Emotional maturity enables you to create the life you desire. A life filled with happiness and fulfilment. You define success in your own terms, not society's, and you strive to achieve it."

What you share with us demonstrates much emotional immaturity on your WW's part...
There is much demonstration for growth for our friend JK as well...

You and your family are in my prayers...
I will continue to nudge you to step back and look within for what it is that can make you happy, while treating those that you feel wronged by with love and respect...

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” ~Dale Carnegie

“Show respect to people who don't even deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.” ~Dave Willis

"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." ~W. Clement Stone

I still look to your journey to see a shift...a shift in you...when this happens much of the quality thoughts and advice from the good people here in our community will rise up and guide you out of the chaos that you continue to feel and potentially feed.

I challenge you to step back...be still...look inside and you will find answers...strength and divine guidance to do what is right...not what feels good...not what is logical as you put it on paper...not in an effort to have others validate you...but what is right for you...for your sons...for your WW...

Be well, be still, look towards the peace you can feel when you follow the path that you are meant to, today my friend.

Peace and love to you brother.

[PsySara]

She's just....wow! Because I do not know her personally or can test her I can't say for certainty but she appears very narcissistic. The fact that she would try to block the children from moving close to her is absolutely stunning to me.

Like me, you haven't really detached. You are still mind reading her and inserting emotion into her comments and texts. She has proven with her actions to be very wayward and even toxic for those kids. Look at her actions and stop listening to her words. Would moving be beneficial to your boys? Would she be a stable, nurturing mother who puts their needs above her desires? I am worried that she would actually damage them. And the fact that she would try to blok necessary therapy is just...awful. It's like refusing medication when your kid is sick.

[J5K]

Sara,

I do have the same concerns. That is why when I move it will be because it is what I want for me and the boys. I will stick to the plan that Georgia Bulldogs suggested in order to protect the boys. If she exposes the boys to OM then that is her issue to deal with. We will have to take stock of her actions after the move.

SH,

I guess there is still anger and resentment still lingering inside me.

I am working on accepting that XW will contribute to the boys in her own way, whatever that may be and that I have no control over that. It frustrates me that she does not want to work and that she does not want to be M.

She stated she is in a place or R with new OM where she can continue to be a SAHM.

I still have a lot of work to do for me and the boys and will make the best of what I have day by day.

[Georgia Bulldogs]

It occurred to me that you may need to meet with a very good divorce/custody attorney in Toronto to make certain, before you go, that you can somehow get trapped in Canada with her making some allegations or whatever and trying to claim "the best interests of the children" stuff once "residency" is accomplished or maintained. She should have to sign off of this NOT being a change of jurisdiction and acknowledge it's just a temporary thing; but, even that might not be enough. An experienced attorney will know the traps and pitfalls you'll need to be careful of.

For example, the Michigan custody divorce and custody might be settled but if she were to make a claim of abuse after son #3 breaks his arm under somewhat mysterious ("mysterious" only to her since she's the one looking to nail you) though completely legitimate circumstances. If the supposed alleged "abuse" occurred in Ontario, the Ontario courts would have jurisdiction and could "place" the child/children with the mother pending an investigation or resolution for their safety. I know she doesn't have much money but princess could be enabled (and financed) by her parents, family, OM and friends to bring in "hired gun" pyschologists as "expert witnesses" that will basically testify to anything and thereby help her "steal" your custody regardless of your Michigan claims to the children.

My point is, you need to be really careful and diligent about protecting your rights and those boys from your entitled wayward ex-wife. Keep a voice recording app ready to go on your phone should you ever find yourself in a face to face encounter or phone call discussion with her making threats and trying to antagonize you into doing something to her so she can get you arrested. If a child gets hurt, take him to the doctor yourself immediately and don't ask her to do it or she'll lead the doctor to conclude that you might be hurting your children and she'll try to get the doctor on board with making a accusations or reports on you. Be sure to always behave and presume to be their primary parent and rely on her during your custody time for really nothing. Even while living there, stick to the custody arrangement already set forth or she just might be able to come back to Michigan and petition for a modification herself based upon maintaining consistency.

[dream]

"The courts did not rule anything. This is what she and I agreed upon and the courts are signing off on. "

I thought all of the psych testing was to find out which parent is best suited to have primary physical custody. I must have missed something. What was the psych testing for?

If you are moving to Toronto so your kids will see their mom every other weekend, why is she against your move? Something isn't right here.

[SH_]

"The courts did not rule anything. This is what she and I agreed upon and the courts are signing off on. "

I thought all of the psych testing was to find out which parent is best suited to have primary physical custody. I must have missed something. What was the psych testing for?

If you are moving to Toronto so your kids will see their mom every other weekend, why is she against your move? Something isn't right here.

I agree with you dream...much in JK's story indicate that there are many things amiss...many emotional decisions, sharing of information that does not add up...huge life changing decisions based on things that do not make sense...much seeking of validation for behavior that is not inline with DB principles, emotional maturity, wisdom...

I do have the same concerns. That is why when I move it will be because it is what I want for me and the boys. I will stick to the plan that Georgia Bulldogs suggested in order to protect the boys. If she exposes the boys to OM then that is her issue to deal with. We will have to take stock of her actions after the move.

JK, you are concerned at how your XW behaves and her thoughts about your sons, so you will move closer, because you say it is financially better for you, follow Georgia Bulldogs advice to protect yourself (and it is decent advice) knowing that lawyer costs will continue to add up in order to protect yourself?
You say that XW will have to deal with the issues of exposing sons to OM, but that you will take stock of her actions?

There is so much discrepancy in what is share here...there is something not right.

JK, I continue to wish you the best...I continue to pray that you can hear what many are saying to you...but in the end you will make the decisions that you choose too...it seems such a waste though...so much unneeded drama that can be avoided if you would sit still for a spell...even walk away for a bit and do the work that is needed for clarity.
You do have more control than it seems...and it appears that you continue to choose to give it away...

Be well my friend...

[J5K]

GB,

Again very good advice. I will consult with an L in Toronto also.

I would not put anything past XW.

Dream,

The psych eval was something we both agreed to have and the psychologist stated that we do an 8/6 split for overnights. The psychologist did this to entice XW to stay in Michigan, of course that never happened. The psychologist did say that the boys were happy with either one of us. Off the record the psychologist did say that if we lived int eh same city she would have recommended 50/50 custody.

Of course earlier last week XW called the psychologist a moron as we were talking on the phone.

SH,

I am just as perplexed as everyone that reads my thread. Whatever the outcome, in the long run I will do everything I can to protect them and fight for them. I do not want to be combative with XW any longer.

I am really a laid back easy going guy. I want my boys to be happy and smile as much as they can. If XW takes actions to take them away, I will do what I can to protect me and the boys, no matter what the cost. In the meantime we will live our lives day by day and enjoy our time together.



I did speak to my L today and we are filing a motion to get the boys therapy and approval to move. Should have a decision in a week and a half.

NC from XW for a week now. I am baffled at the detachment she has from her children. That is neither here nor there. My connection with my kids is what is important and we will live our lives to the fullest no matter where we live, with or without her.

[DonH]

I really have to jump in here as this is making my head explode. I pay much more attention to what people do rather than what they say. Anyone can say they will do anything. It's their actions that really tell the story. You say "I will do everything I can to protect them and fight for them." That's what you say and for a while seems to be your actions. Unless I'm remembering incorrectly and have the wrong guy, you fought for them and got what you wanted and what was best and are now about to give that all up - or at least put it at great risk. You are walking into a lions den with those kids and could end up in a very bad situation. It's clear your ex does not have those kids best interest at heart. She clearly would be dangerous if given custody or even more time with them. The courts saw this and made sure to not allow that to happen. And in turn you are going to move them closer to her, allow her to harm them on a more routine basis and risk a new court changing what you were given. You fought hard for what you wanted and what was best and were given it and in return are giving parts of it back. It's almost like winning the game and then allowing the other team to score at the last minute due to a bad play. Tell me how this is "doing everything to protect them". If you truly were doing everything to protect them you would not be Moving them to ex wife so she can further damage them. Nearly everyone here says much the same, yet...