Westo - I thought I'd just pop around and say "Hi" and thanks for visiting my thread. If my Canadian accent is confusing I can try to gargle marbles so that I sound Welsh I actually have a couple of Welsh friends in my village who are very nice people and manage the Queen's English quite well.
From the tone of your posts it sounds like you are doing well on the "positive mental attitude" part. I'm envious of you being a Gran. I can't persuade D24 and her husband to do me a similar honour. It would appear that you haven't let your H's earlier comments bring you down. Be proud of who and what you are.
Sadly it sounds like your H has indeed read the MLC script down to the re-writing of history and making poor choices in an attempt to re-invent himself.
Are you able to get out and about in your community and keep busy? Living in a small village myself I know that almost everything is run by women like you who get involved. Figuring out some sort of independent income stream for yourself is probably a good idea too. Perhaps look beyond the word "job" and think about who you are and what you are good at. Is there a need perhaps for someone to provide informal day-care?
There is no way to know for sure where your H is going on his own journey. I certainly get that you care deeply for him and are worried about him. I have similar feelings and worries for my own W. It took me a (very) long time to understand that there is in all honesty nothing that I can do to help her. I can hurt her yes, but am completely unable to guide or assist her at all in any way. And knowing that hurt me a lot.
Anyway - I must go for now. I'll stop by later and visit again. You are among friends here.
Thanks.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Thank you for stopping by with your wise words Andrew, greatly appreciated.
Just a quick update,
Our daughter had a car accident last Friday. Her and our Grandaughter are fine just a little shaken H text her today for the first time since June as he'd just heard of the accident and was worried. Asked that if she needed any money to help with the repairs for her to send him her bank details.
He said that he had transferred money to my account to help pay for Christmas stuff but wasn't sure if I knew that he had (I didn't)
She replied saying they were ok, and asked how he was doing. He answered that he was ok but still unsure about things.
I asked our son if he'd heard from him since SS wedding in September. He said he received a text from him two weeks ago asking if he was ok and if he had any news.
Son has not replied and has no intention to.
Question.........do I email a thank you for the money transfer or not? Gut feeling tells me to leave well alone.
I would first confirm that the money has been deposited and it if has, I would send a nice, but cordial thank you and leave it at that. No need to go into any details.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Westo - I'm glad to hear that your D and GD are fine after the accident. That can be quite a shake-up.
It sounds like things are proceeding quietly along a path with your H - that he still cares about you and your family and is working on himself.
How are "you" doing?
job's advice as always is spot on - things always seem to go more smoothly for me when I follow it.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I have been having a really good week and actually felt I was detaching and accepting the situation more.
Then his text came out of the blue and sent my nerves off again!
I think he does care and shows that Christmas must be on his mind but I also think that maybe the money transfer is more for him and to assuage some guilt on his part?
I'm glad for D's sake that he text her. She's felt that he's abandoned her and her kids.
It could be guilt, but whatever the reason...I would accept the money and thank him for it as soon as possible. There are many on the forums that have to fight tooth and nail to get child support or even funds to pay the bills.
How are your D and GD doing now? Sometimes after an accident it takes a couple of days for things to show up, i.e., like sore muscles, etc. I do hope that they are doing okay.
I'm glad your h is still paying the mortgage and all of your direct debits. Keep an eye on them. Have you done a credit report recently? If not, you might want to think about this. Sometimes a few new credit cards will pop up that the MLCer has gotten and hasn't felt the need to share w/the LBS.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The girls are fine though D has suffered a couple of bruises to her leg. I know H has a credit card that he owes a lot on.
There are no cards in my name. I hope that the fact he's thinking of finances at this time of the year shows he isn't as reckless with money as he has been.
I think it's more positive than if he'd done nothing, even if it is guilt.
At least he's not feeling as resentful of me as he did when he left or he would have just given money to S and D. He knows I have access to the joint account if I'm desperate.
When. I read what others are being put through I feel lucky that I haven't put up with abusive texts etc.
I actually have a couple of Welsh friends in my village who are very nice people and manage the Queen's English quite well.