So confused

[Coconut]

bsb, her actions are confusing because she is confused, she may want to believe you can change but she has memories of trying to get you to change and you not doing so.

Right now it's important that you do change, not for her but for you, so you are a better person. You said a light bulb went off in your head when you read one book, well there are many more light bulbs you need to turn on.

For now, be kind and supporting to her when she reaches out, but don't reach out to her, give her space to figure herself out. When you talk to her, don't tell her how much you've learned, show her. Validate her feelings (read the homework cadet gave you), and when she's not reaching out to you use that time to look into yourself and improve things one at a time.

Also, give more info when you get time, what where her complaints, why did she want you to go to counseling, how was your sex life, etc...