Still lost, still confused (part 2)

[j20a00g]

It primarily is anger and fear. I think anyone who isn't on here to try and save their marriage at least in the beginning is not being truthful. Ofcourse working on myself and being the best I can be is the primary goal but, I have yet to meet anyone that is please or happy just competing in the olympics without them wanting in the back of their mind winning the gold.

It's deflating when someone who you have built a life with tells you after 18 years that you aren't good enough but this OM is. Do I know it's true? No. but it's true to her and she's the judge, jury, and executioner.

Vanilla is right about the "set free" comment. This has been over a year now. 8 months since being intimate (once all year), 7 months since kissing, 6 months since hugging anyone other than my D's. It's not easy. Not at all.

Yes, the last was finally a true pro marriage therapist (gottman) and not one that just claimed to be like so many do. Throughout our marriage, she has always been a teller. She gets loud and animated when she is angry. I no longer allow to be yelled at or cursed at over the phone. With regards to other boundaries, it's interesting how when someone doesn't want to be around you how boundaries aren't that difficult to enforce. Past boundaries were not being around when she would be texting OM during family time. But again, not an issue anymore.

I've tried the "treat everyone as I wish to be treated" and it sounds awesome! But again, when your best friend begins banging your wife. You lose some faith in humanity. Sorry if I sound bitter but, it's true. 2 people that got tons of respect, encouragement, support, etc (all things I wish from people) ended up pouncing on the opportunity. If you can't trust your spouse or your closest friend, who can you?

How does my view change on her post divorce from what it is now? Divorce may be just the legal side to some but it's far more to me. I'm not religious but I deeply believe that marriage is a bond that is treasured. Not disposable. Many things can tarnish or ding that bond but, divorce breaks it forever imo. It shows that someone gave up on the other. Permanently.

I'm not so sure that the statement about many people are here to make themselves better for their next relationship.....if that's truly the case then I'm not so sure the divorce busting model or website is the right place. I get the some parts of personal enrichment can cross over but, most of the technique and method is geared towards trying to save your marriage. There are far better resources for personal development. MWD is in the marriage saving business. Not the prep for your next relationship business.