I can really relate to your posts because I too say stupid things and then am overly worried about others reaction. But if I am not living in my head, I think it'S perfectly normal to say "I am having a strange moment" thing, as long as you don't overreact to other reaction. Chances are they forget about it after 5 secs, if you carry on as per usual. And yes, this is something I need to start doing too:)
You have a beautiful soft heart too, otherwise you wouldn't be hurting like you are now. I hope you find some sort of spiritual guidance because I believe the answers we are looking for lay within. I don't believe in gods, but lately I brought a deck of angel cards, and it's amazing helpful for me...
Me: 33 H: 32 T: 10 years M: 2 BD: Aug 2016 H moved out Aug 20, 2016 S: 17 months old