Coffee and spinning

[Coly23]

Thank you, thank you all so much for your support. I've managed to climb down off the ceiling after reading here and D telling me that everything will be ok. I don't know what I would do without you all!

Sosad, thanks for visiting. I think I am dreading Christmas because H made so many traditions for us like making our own advent calendar and Christmas crackers. I will miss that so much. I love your puppy story. I am worried that I will end up doing all the work if we do get one and I'm a tad squeamish when it comes to the bodily functions of any animal!

Sotto, If it wasn't for D I think I would have booked into a retreat somwhere far away until the festive season was all over! I still can't stop blaming myself for what happened you know and I'm finding it hard to forgive myself. I hate the fact that I'm such a worrier and I get stressed when things aren't gong my way and I think I put that into my H too. I think he just wants a quiet lijpfe and I complicated it for him too much.

This weekend in taking D to look for prom dresses and then going to lunch at my older sister's for bil's birthday. How about you?

Altair, how are you doing? I feel like I am letting the side down with all my spinning! I do sometimes feel foolish when I realise that in the scheme of things I really haven't got it that bad. I think your right though, I need to block thoughts of him out of my head although that is easier said than done! I think I am also mad at myself for breaking NC. I don't think I had days as bad as this during the seven weeks I did it. I'm going to go back over my thread to see but I'm sure I felt better. I think it's the hope that seeing him again brings....

Darkness, your right I shouldn't have said anything about the Christmas market, I really wish I hadn't. I think I need to go back to being dark again it helped with my anxiety before so it's obviously a good thing.

Andrew, thank you for your post. I like the idea of buying myself something and putting it under the Christmas tree too! I think as I said to Altair, I need to block him out if my thoughts. At the moment my thoughts are of him visiting our friends with gifts for their kids and getting comfortable under their Christmas table while they make a fuss if him. It makes me mad and sad that we no longer count as his family or even friends.

Hey Surfer, thanks for stopping by. I do feel very stuck at the moment. Sometimes the hurt I feel is so overwhelming I don't know what to do with myself. But especially now, coming up to Christmas, I feel my emotions becoming unstuck. I think it helps having my D around though. At least I know I have to make it special for her....