I've been lurking in the boards for a few weeks and finally decided to post my story.
I've been with my H since I was 19, only person I have ever been with. Married 6 years ago, got a house, no kids. He's wanted kids for awhile, but I'd never felt ready. We've recently (about April) started "trying". Sort of. Like not actively preventing and half trying. Anyway... Early October we're on vacation, trying for that baby when he looks at my panicked and says "I don't want to have a kid". He has baggage from his parents D when he was young and doesn't want his child to grow up without a dad.
I tell him he has control over that. Also that he's been acting distance he past few days. He blows up says he's never felt close to me, never wanted to get married, but felt pressured into it by his mom, me, society... Hasn't loved me since a year after the wedding, hasn't been happy in 11 years.
Barely speaks to me, won't look at me most of the rest of that week. Following week, civil, but irritated with me. Third week, mostly friendly. We're now at a point were it's business as usual, but we don't kiss, hug or say I love you. He says he loves me. But isn't in love with me, although I'm his best friend and he is still very attracted to me.
He wants to separate and live alone, be selfish, not think of anyone else, not have responsibilities (feeding the cat is too much), and figure out his head.
He plans to continue paying the mortgage on our house and wants me to stay in it while he figures himself out. He likely would have left already except that I begged him not to go during the holidays.
Until recently, he's been attentive and loving. We had issues: I'm a bit distant, push people away, don't express emotions well, spent too much time away from home... I'm seeing a therapist for that now and the current issues.
His mom says he has depression in the family and it hits in the 30's hard. I think he is depressed, bit I also suspect MLC.
He's got a new female friend who's 10 years younger. Says nothing but a friend, but they hang it every Friday. He's started drinking a bit, which he never did much because he did was an alcoholic (who cheated on his mother, leading to the D). He says he's not a cheater, doesn't want to be at all like his dad...
He wants to be "friends". Not sure if he wants divorce at the moment. I asked if I should have hope for us, he says I should be "neutral". I don't want a divorce. I hink he still loves me but is just very confused. He admits his confusion. I plan to wait this thing out as long as I can.
We get along better now than ever. We're like best friend roommates who occasionally have sex. I've stopped the R talks/questions, trying to detach, GAL (but not too much, since that was an issue previously) on an antidepressant... Sheltering in place. Advice?
Me:34 H:36 M:6yrs, T:15 ILYBINILWY: Oct. 2016 No kids, just a cat
