Sotto's tootling along

[Sotto]

Thanks Esame and Bttrfly. Yes, I would rather be me and that's a good thing. I can't imagine what it must be like to deal with the fact you walked out of such a significant R in that way. For me, it also makes me sad that XH became so sad and desperate on 'my watch' and (whilst I am 'well-read' about MLC) I also feel I let him down in some ways.

But then I think, if you live with someone, of course there will be let-downs and joys and frustrations and so on. It is part of the ebb and flow of life.

Our divorce group is over half way through now and it is such a meaningful thing to me to be part of it. I see why this experience is a gift in so many ways. The fact that I have been rubbed raw through this situation, means that I have something to give to these people in their own times of pain. I do think things like these are part of what gives life meaning, and I am grateful for the opportunity. I love that these kind people turn out once a week on a rainy winter's evening to support others...

I have generally been busy with work and house renovations - and life is fine. I still struggle a little from time to time. The other night I woke after a dream where XH was on the phone to OW and I was in the background. That wasn't very nice and there are clearly still some 'brain' things going on there. But in many ways, I do feel a release. I have let go of a lot, but perhaps not completely yet. I guess it takes time.

No news from NG since his suggestion of a visit. I draw back from time to time. I see that he is reticent too and I don't feel like 'chasing' a reticent person. It is a change in me as I was very much a pursuer. Now I do think more - that doesn't work for me - and I focus on something different. All in good time and I am kind and responsive when he does initiate.

Next week is garden landscaping week. I'm off today and I just found out that my loo and basin (ordered 6 weeks ago and due for delivery tomorrow) are out of stock! Thanks for the 'just in time' notification (not!!) I do get rattled far less by stuff like this, which I feel is 'small.' Yes I need to rearrange the plumber and choose new things, but that's fine.

Got a weird text from SS this week, just saying - did you change your number? I wasn't even sure if it was meant for me and replied back - no I'm still here . Realised he had previously texted 'hope to see you soon?' And I missed that the Q mark needed a reply, so I've suggested a festive season meet up...

Thanks for reading and have a lovely day everyone. Xx