XW showing signs or just MLC script

[Sotto]

Hi Irish, I'm sorry you had a difficult conversation with her. Just out of interest, I wonder how that conversation would have gone if you had purely validated. Nothing else. No going into rights, wrongs, who did what etc. Can I suggest you consider trying that in your next interaction with her? Maybe even have the validation cheat sheet to hand and only respond in that vein?

If you read back the above and replace your comments with validating ones - only - and not truth darts, how does that read?

I'm saying this because from all that she says and writes, she isn't in a good place just now. And I think your truth darts may add to that - and perhaps may make it harder for her to progress? And (even if you don't want any kind of future with her) the best outcome IMHO would be some reconciliation with her children. Both for them and for her I think....even if that is just a visit now and again. It is better to have some sort of R with your parents than none.

I understand the need to 'show' her - but you did X and Y - and not give her a 'free pass' here - but in truth I suspect she is feeling many consequences already.

I think compassion and validation and detachment from you may help in these interactions. From what you write (and perhaps due to your understandable hurt) you seem quick to jump to...but you did X...

Maybe try something different and see how that goes??

Hope this helps Irish and feel to disregard if not useful to you...xx