Hi Fightin, I am really glad you brought up that situation about her saying all those things, and yet, she continued her betrayal. If she is a WW, then she is operating from her emotions.....which are currently in overdrive. The foundation and motivator of her decisions is not love, integrity, values, or any of the sound based decision making principles she may have used in the past. It is all about her and what she wants in that moment. However she benefits the most......whatever makes her feel better........and whoever feeds her ego the most, are the current guidelines for decisions. It is not about her giving. It is all about what she can receive.
Although she was crying and apologizing, and even said she was ashamed of herself.........it was not the remorseful & repentant type that we think of when a spouse truely wants to make things right and have another chance in the M. The type that can humble a wayward heart enough to stop what she is doing that caused the destruction in the first place.
If she says the words, but continues the hurtful action........she is not coming from a place of remorse. A WW can be very emotional about leaving the spouse, but at the same time.......make everything revolve around herself. Yes, your W was emotional. Her behavior, looks of confusion, and words all came from her emotions. When all was said and done, her selfishness won out again.
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She kept saying how hard it was to see all of my things packed and how she never imagined us here in this situation. She told me she does in fact love me and I stated simply that I don't what she means by that anymore. As a friend? Like a family member? She just looked hurt when I said those things and said she isn't sure how she feels about anything really. After that they left.
If you'll look back at your post, you will see how she placed herself in the center of everything in the conversations. Her feelings. Her wants. It was too hard for her to be around you. It made her hurt and reminded her, etc. This is not uncommon for some WW's. In her way of thinking, she didn't really want to see you suffer, and wishes everyone could remain the best of friends. But her thinking is twisted and all she hears are her emotions.
If you have an occasion to hear her apologize from a remorseful heart, I believe you will see a humbleness in her. It won't be a mess of confusion. It won't be self-centered. There will be no justifying comments. But whatever she says in the form of an authentic apology for what she has done to you, then you should be able to see if her words lines up with her actions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
