Its that last little bit of fear that I wish I could just burn from my brain. At the very core of it lies the statement- "If I stick up for myself and protect my interests, then he won't come back. "
I have had this type of convo with my therapist about a year ago. She said the above statement typically resonates with childhood memories and FOO issues. ie: if I'm good, then he/she will like me..... Etc.
I've tried really hard to figure out where that dynamic comes from... And from what I hear, it's a pretty typical mindset. I know it's engrained in me, and I just can't figure out where it stems from and how to officially over through it.
So... I think if I'm honest.... That's the last piece that I am just holding on to for dear life. I'm moving forward protecting myself with my L but the emotions aren't aligning with the actions. I'm scared. At the same time, I'm 99.9% sure I don't want to go back to that life. lets be real.... The only good thing about that life was we didn't struggle financially. I never felt supported of truly loved by him. Our mc told me I would never be enough for him.
Also, I'm scared of what stbxh will do to me. Again, it's because I know he's a liar and manipulator.
So, as I'm typing this... Stbx texts me that he's taking the dog this weekend during my time. Ummmmmmm.... A request or ask would be nice don't you think?
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
