One funny note is how differently people can look at things. She's made comments that hint that I left the marriage, and that we were in agreement about not working as a couple and wanting a divorce. This is odd to me because there is no room for misunderstanding. I look back at our email threads from around BD and it is pretty clear that she wanted a divorce and asked me to leave. Repeatedly. And just as clear there are exchanges where I told her that's not what I wanted but I wouldn't stop her, and things along this line. So I guess it's just surprising to me that in her mind I initiated the divorce and left her, and that we both agreed it was for the best.
Like you, My husband said I kicked him out. I pushed him out. That we were in agreement. I have all these texts prooving opposite. I recognize that it can be two people looking at things differently. But this was actually really TRAUMATIZING for me. I mean the worst possible Mind f.. Kind of traumatizing. It is like being told that something that is clearly white to every sane and rational person, was black.
This is a hard thing for me to come to terms with, and makes it hard for me to respect him because to me he is either a liar or in denial or Gaslighting. But at the time made me feel really frusturated and powerless.
Like you, I have trouble coming to terms with it and go back to it As well ( other disagreements as well). I am deeply fearful of having to deal with conflict and disagreement from a future someone that can't fight fairly or rationally.
My first boyfriend was jealous and controlling and would accuse me of having an affair with my female roommate and of having a crush on my brother. How do you even validate something so irrational? The arguments i had with husband were different but felt so similar. They put me on the defensive.
Any insight on the claiming that the divorce was agreed upon or initiated by LBS is very much appreciated!
