A lot of people here talk about "garnering respect" from their wives, by a Man... I'd be curious how one delineates "controlling" from "boundaries" I've struggled with this along my journey as I know my wife would say that I was someone that had to be in control of most aspects in our lives.
So how does one garner the respect without appearing to be controlling? (Sandi2 hoping you'll chime in on this one ;-)
I wonder if the controlling thing in most cases for a WW is code for "we are married on paper only and I can do what I want...I don't owe you anything." I only say this because my wife was DEFINITELY the boss in our relationship, and I was a veritable doormat in an effort to keep her happy (which in hindsight was probably a bad idea because somewhere along the way she lost respect for me). She still likes to claim during this whole process that I am too controlling because I would ask where she was or if she was ok when she stayed out late. Or complain when she started texting/hanging out with new people and doing new things (one of whom was the OM). In other words, show concern regarding serious red flags in any relationship...what any normal, rational person would do.
In a nutshell, don't beat yourself up if they call you controlling...unless it was something they talked about pre-waywardness, it's not really an issue. It should be your clue that you haven't detached enough though.
