Here we go again....

[matw]

Not only that, it is a way to keep you emotional dependent on the relationship. She needs to experience the picture of divorce. If you were divorce, would you being going inside her place and hanging out? One of the biggest traps to beware of while going through this part is doing things "as a family". That is eating cake, and does not show her how divorce looks. Divorce does bring a family together, it tears them apart.

It is not your job to take care of the things that cause her frustration. Don't be her free handyman around the house, and don't be an easy babysitter at the last minute. If she needs a sitter, she should call well in advance, otherwise, you have plans.

So, what are you doing in your spare time without the kids? What do you do for inspiration?

Hey Sandi - yeah this is the part I struggle with. I need to make sure I am not going over there and helping her. She really does need to feel the pain of what it will be like if I am not there. When we were divorced the first time I used to go over and help her a lot. I am realizing though it took over 3 years for us to get back together. I don't want to do that again. My life was put on hold for way to long.

As for the self talk I need am slowly catching myself when I am talking down or talking in negative. When I do catch myself I am switching that to a positive and seeing what I can find.

I like the idea of preplanning for when I am the lonely at home. I think it was just hard because it was Sunday night and was the first one without anybody in the house. There is plenty I could do and I have a pretty good support system if I need to reach out to anybody. I think with time I will be more willing/able to handle being alone in the house. I used to have a lot of little hobbies that I don't do anymore that I think I will get back into. It keeps me busy and is a lot of fun. My W always used to give me crap for never staying with one hobby. Now I don't have to worry about her I will go back to doing those. As always thanks for the great advice and I really do appreciate it.