Sandi2 question thread

[fightin]

Hi Sandi2, my sitch has moved at warp speed, but I'd like some of your thoughts. I'll give the background first.

11/3 was BD. She told me we needed to work on some things in our relationship and she was willing, that there wasn't someone else. (via text)

Later that evening when we spoke face-to-face she admitted there was someone and she'd been seeing them for about 2 weeks, but wasn't sure it was real enough yet to lose me.

Less than 1 week later she told me she wanted to separate with intent to D and that her telling me she wanted to work on us was just her telling me what I wanted to hear. That this OW made her feel happier than she's ever been and just at ease with herself so she was no longer worried about losing me, she wanted me gone ASAP so the OW could start coming to the house. (It was her house prior to our M)

I'm now moved out. The week after she said she wanted me gone she stayed at OW's every night we didn't have my SS. The night before I moved out we had him, but she decided they'd stay at her dad's that night rather than staying at the house.

She was a mess that night, crying, constantly apologizing for hurting me, hugging me more than once for long periods of time not wanting to let me go. While previously she had told me she'd rather be at OW's than with me any time, she now was telling me she had been gone all week just because it was too hard to be around me. It made her hurt and reminded her of how she hurt me.

She said she has never been more ashamed of herself in all her life. I made the mistake of telling her I still didn't want to S or D, she just looked at me cried and said nothing. I didn't beg, bring up the "good" or even cry myself as I watched her fall apart so I felt like I remained overall detached as to not push her away by being desperate.

After that she continued to tell me sorry, how unfair it was for her to be such a mess since she caused all of this. I just listened and validated that I know it is difficult for her too.

She kept saying how hard it was to see all of my things packed and how she never imagined us here in this situation. She told me she does in fact love me and I stated simply that I don't what she means by that anymore. As a friend? Like a family member? She just looked hurt when I said those things and said she isn't sure how she feels about anything really. After that they left.

I could see the hurt and confusion on her face, and it of course gave me hope that she was second guessing her decision, but now we're apart and she can fill her time with the OW as much as possible. Do you think she was truly remorseful? I know that even if she is it doesn't mean that we will reconcile. I just wanted your thoughts on that.