Lex, everybody comes here and reads each others' posts and say, "Hey, that's just like my wife/husband!" We're all astounded by how spouses seem to follow a script. But the specifics of your situation are so similar to mine, it's eerie. I am not going to point out those specifics because of privacy concerns but if I did, you would be puzzled. How could this be?
Anyhow, here are some things to consider. Your W's childhood, including all those boyfriends and abortions, and her (seemingly) unfulfilling relationship with her parents, could have been deeply emotionally damaging to her, and could be strongly affecting her even now as an adult. I think your wife may suffer from "borderline personality disorder" (BPD). There are many websites and books on this (I prefer books because the quality of information on the Internet isn't very good.) Don't be misled by the unfortunate name of this condition. And I'm not saying your wife neatly fits into this. First, BPD is difficult to diagnose and must be done by a specialist. Second, as with many psychological conditions, a person doesn't neatly fit into a category; people are complicated. Whatever you do, don't bring up BPD with your wife. It is counter-productive to tell her directly about it (so say the professionals.)
Man, I wish I could give you a phone call and talk.
p.s. Is there any parallel between her behavior within your marriage and her mother's (or father's) behavior?
Her mom is pretty much a full blown sociopath and probable BPD sufferer. W is estranged from her mom. They talk occasionally on the phone but that is it as far as their relationship goes. I'm not sure about the wife being BPD. we had a pretty good run up to this point. She snapped on me now and again but it was fairly rare. she never fantasized about rape or celebrities until this year as far as I know. She is not wrong to be mad at me for getting her pregnant. I should have done better. It's just been 7 months now and we are slowly chilling in stead of making up. I noticed your signature said "in house separation" I fear we are getting close to this. We still sleep in the same bed currently but we're drifting further and further. currently I have to face away from her at the wall and then she will put her arm around me. If I face her even without touching her she will sleep in a fetal position facing me with a pillow in between us.
