You're right.... It's kind of the ego talking I guess. The ego always wants it can't have. I don't want him. However for myself (my ego) I have to know that I gave it all I had. Clearly I'm still here so I'm not tapped out yet. But at the same time, how could anyone go back to their spouse after this behavior and total disrespect. Disrespect that has occured throughout the whole relationship.
Then there's the MLC caveat. They don't get a pass for their bad behavior, but we're still encouraged to respect their journey.
Even though the whole "you didn't break em" phrase runs through my mind, my ego still blames me for not being the perfect wife which is egotistical to even think that's possible.
When it comes to the craziness and arrogance and entitlement which seems to be on par with MLC..... Part of me still doesn't want to believe it. Kind of like I have to continue to touch the fire to see if it's really hot. That's why I haven't completely turned my back on him yet.
Also, I feel like this is the toughest part. I'm not good at standing up for myself and that's kind of how I got here. I always backed down to h because he was so controlling. And he still is!
Now is the time that I have to stand up for myself without fear of h, his words, and what my former friends and family think of me. Who the f cares anyway..... None of them have reached out once during this ordeal.
This really is the hardest thing. He is such a snake.
How's that for an angry woman's stream of consciousness.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
