Wife has filed for divorce

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I'm a LBS of a serial cheater. My husband had an EA for the first time four months after our son was born. It went on for a while and when I finally caught him, he was very apologetic and scared for our marriage. Turns out the OW didn't even know he was married or had a baby. Nice.

That devastated me right after the birth of our son. It felt like it took all the joy out of having a new baby. I was depressed, felt awful about myself and about my marriage. My body was all messed up from gaining weight, stretching out and being so tired. I felt so terrible, like my husband didn't want me anymore because of how I looked. It felt like he didn't want our son. Couple that with raging post baby hormones and I was a wreck. I never got over it and checked his phone regularly. About a year later, he started talking to some girl (19) who was a student of his. He got really defensive and claimed it wasn't a big deal and that there was nothing there. Two months ago he told me he wanted a divorce, and three weeks ago I found out that hes been sleeping with her.

It made me physically ill to think about. I lost 30lbs in a month and a half because I couldn't eat or sleep. Some days, I don't even know why the f--k I'm here fighting for him. I dont know how I'd get over the betrayal if he did come back. My fantasies about it usually include him groveling and crying and professing what an awful mistake he made, but if it actually happened, I dont know if I could believe him.

His two affairs happened over the course of two years and there was about a year and some change in between. My unforgiveness and lack of trust was so deep rooted after the first time that it just became a part of how i felt about him. After that many years of deep rooted anger, its going to take a long time to change it. She's had years to seethe and grow in resentment. Changing her perspective of you is not going to happen quickly.

She fell in love with you once though and you may have changed over the years, but somewhere in there is the person she loves and misses.