I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. I think you shouldn't believe a word your wife said about the past, rewriting history is a common MLC symptom and that is why you are supposed to "believe nothing they say and half of what they do". This is vital for your sanity. It hurts to hear those horrible words but you must simply ignore them, like lies or fairytales.
I think you should concentrate on how happy the kids are instead of how much you miss them, their relationship to their mum is separate to yours, I know it's hard, but at least they are happy.
Take care
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
