Chapter 4 - Acting As If

[PacLove]

Bigybiz - I struggle with this, my W does this every now and then too but a lot less now. I kind of let her - they say to give is an expression of love and when you give you feel good. I may get chewed out for saying that here, but there's a lot of research on it.

If she offers I let her but I certainly don't ask - and I'll say a polite thank you in the end. The important thing is boundaries, if it starts to infer on your personal space that's where I'd push back - and have.

I think in some ways it's eating away at my W - I don't let her come by the house anymore so instead of her being able to help out I'm now getting "friendly" reminders about this, that or the other. I used to never get those. I simply reply with a "thanks for the reminder" usually an hour or two later.

There's always going to be some cake-eating going on, it's a question of what you allow vs. not allow. For instance in the beginning I was washing her car, filling it up with gas etc... stuff that "inconvenienced" me and really did nothing for her or our R. I've now moved more to stuff that is mutually beneficial (ie house, finances etc) and generally only when it's convenient and doesn't take me out of my way.

My W has only been officially out since beginning of Oct (half moved out since April) and since then hasn't really made a habit of coming by the house and I more or less told her I didn't want her as we need to respect each others space. (she wasn't willing for me to have access to her place, so why shouldn't I expect the same?)