Hi Coconut, it was brave of you to post that and I'm glad you have realised that isn't a road you want to go down.
A good friend of mine realised she started drinking home alone a number of years ago. When she realised how much she had been drinking, it shocked her and she gave up drink completely.
For you, this sounds like a wake up call and you realise your relationship with alcohol isn't healthy at the moment. The thing is, if you carry on down that path - using alcohol to deal with life - the alcohol use itself becomes a significant problem to tackle - ie: another layer onto an already difficult situation.
I hope you'll make early contact with AA and get the support you need to deal with this and we of course will be here to offer support.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus