Here we go again....

[matw]

So this past weekend was my first weekend with out my kids in the house. On Friday the W and I had to take our D3 to the dentist because she needed to have some work done on her back molar. My D3 isn't the best patient for anything and we agreed it would be best if we were both there. So after the dentist we went back to my house to the W could check out the new Call of Duty game (we used to play it quite a bit together). Then she had to go to work.

On Saturday I went to the gym and didn't do a whole lot until the evening. Then I went out to a local bar with some friends. I will say some interesting things happened while I was there. I ended up flirting with 2 different girls there just for fun. I am in no way wanting a relationship or anything. It was just sort of interesting to see. I have lost 60+ lbs since the spring so I am not used to the attention that I was getting. I normally only went out with my W and never usually by myself. I will admit it felt really good.. one of the girls even took my phone to put her number in. I deleted it later that night because no reason for me to keep it.

It also made me realize that no matter what.. even if my relationship with my W does fully end I will be OK. A lot of my self talk has been that I don't want to end up alone. I now realize that is just a lot of fear talking. I will only end up where I choose to end up. I make the choices and am responsible for myself.

On Sunday I did go swimming with the W and kids. Then went over to her house for awhile to hang out. After doing that though I decided I have to stop doing that. I realize I am making it easier for her when she has the kids. She gets easily frustrated with them and for some reason I feel its my job to help. So I am making it a goal not to offer to hang out or anything that would take away from her having to be the parent when its her time.

After leaving my W apartment I went home and did fall into a little bit of a depression.. It was strange being alone in my house. I ended up just laying on the couch watching movies. Again this was me letting myself feel that way. I have plenty of projects around the house that I could be working on and should have done. I need to make sure that I get up and start doing them. I have a long road ahead of me and will have plenty of nights where I don't have a GAL and will be alone. What I choose to do with that time is up to me.