Thank you for the reply. I will do my best to answer your questions impartially. I appreciate any replies that I receive here.
I am 42, W is 43
I know I was wrong to risk her like that. But, it's to late to take it back. I have done my best to own my failure and let her know it is not something that I would do again.
W has never had therapy and has a very low opinion of therapy in general. It's likely off the table because she hates the idea of it.
We met at a Rave when we were 23 and 24. We were together for a year before we married. She had a string of bad boyfriends and got pregnant repeatedly while growing up. Her parents were busy/unavailable for her and offered little/no help aside from getting her abortions. I knew about her trouble with boyfriends and the abortions before I married her. she seemed stable and over it.
Sex stopped in April of this year after the abortion. Before that it was rare for us to go more than 2 or 3 days without sex.
She is almost definitely having an emotional affair. She is imagining that he is connecting with her when he is not. she takes facebook items that he posts as containing secret messages for her(they don't). she will write him a paragraph and he will reply with one or two sentences. this has been going on for a little over a year.
I'm not terribly afraid of the OM. I realize that he is a symptom of the problem. I actually admire him for not taking the bait and replying to her sexual innuendo or requests for more personal info.
Still, I don't like what all of this means for our relationship. I'm pretty sure she is willing to run off but just doesn't have the opportunity.
